Separation or break up despite love? Sounds illogical to masochistic. But there are quite a number of reasons for doing just that. Because if you suffer from the relationship yourself, for whatever reason, then it makes little sense to stay long-term – no matter how much you love.
It may sound absurd to love someone else yourself and still be reasoned about breaking up. Isn’t love unconditional and wonderful and shouldn’t it be forced down by reason?
What is so beautiful sounds, it may be, but unfortunately there are a few situations and constellations in relationships where a separation is the better way despite love. In the sense of: Better an end with horror than horror without end.
And for sure you don’t want to hear that as a victim, but you should allow the thoughts of separation if one of the following situations applies to you. Because if one of them suffers massively from the relationship in the long term and there is no improvement in sight, then you should definitely think about a cut.
There are these reasons for a separation despite love
In a relationship, both sides should be equally feel good. If you only invest and put your own needs aside, you will never be really happy. Here are a few classic constellations where one of the two gives too much and doesn’t get what he deserves or needs. All of these constellations do not necessarily mean that you HAVE to break up (apart from the violence in the partnership, of course!), But that you should think about it:
1. One of the two feels significantly less than the other
A very classic case of a breakup despite the feeling of love: When someone feels a lot of love for his partner, but who can give him little feeling and love, simply because he doesn’t feel that much. Unfortunately, this constellation of love imbalance is found far too often. And even more often such couples stay together – and unhappy together.
Of course, if you long for the love of the other and still love them, thinking of a breakup is asking a lot. Still, you have to be clear: love can grow, but you can’t force it. Both partners have to understand that. Especially those who suffer from it. In that case it just doesn’t fit and somewhere out there you can find new partners with whom it just fits much better – and who can also give you love.
2. There is a closeness-distance problem between the two
Another reason for a separation despite love is the crux with the right mixture of closeness and distance. And since there is no such thing as “right”, but only what both individually perceive as worth striving for, both must roughly agree on this, otherwise stress is inevitable.
If both sides have completely different needs for closeness, in the worst case the relationship will fail. Simply because one of the two always feels a bit at a distance and rejected and the other perceives this as a constriction that takes away his freedom.
3. Both have different life plans
Even if the saying goes: opposites attract, one should at least have similar goals in life. If one of the two wants to enjoy his independence and see the world, but the other wants to start a family and feel at home, then in the long term this is also a possible reason for a separation despite love.
An example: It is not uncommon for women, from a certain age (thank you, shitty biological clock!) To think about whether they want to have children or not. What to do when menopause is approaching, you want a child, but you have a partner by your side who has clearly decided against having children and who will not change this opinion?
In this case, giving up your deepest wishes, which will be impossible to fulfill in a few years for your partner, is a sacrifice that you may not forgive him. The decision between life goals on the one hand and current love on the other is certainly not easy.
4. A partner is extremely jealous
Even if we all like to react jealously when our counterpart is turned on or gets astray ourselves. In the case of pathological jealousy, however, this is far worse and there is no more fun. Because the partner’s fears of loss limit the other extremely. And ultimately, these fears are not caused by the current relationship, but are often based on the past.
So it is not easy to do the right thing here. On the one hand you shouldn’t allow yourself to be restricted too much, but on the other hand you should convey security to the other person – relationships often fail because of this heavy burden. And not to allow yourself to be restricted in your freedom and actions in such a way is definitely a legitimate reason for separation despite love.
5. Emotional blackmail by the partner is the order of the day
Many are also unaware of this: that their partner manipulates them to a certain extent. For example, if one of the two uses emotional blackmail to bind his partner even more to himself or simply to get his way through comfortably. In this way, the other is constantly being manipulated and forced to conform to the “blackmailer”.
Your own needs have often long since fallen by the wayside. Everything revolves around the fact that one of the two enforces his will and his desires. In the long run, it is also an extremely unfavorable starting position for a relationship on an equal footing and a reason to think about a separation despite love.
6. Drug addiction and co-dependency in relationships
Also a situation in which it is not easy to decide for or against a separation despite love. If one of the two is heavily dependent, be it on alcohol, drugs or other things, it also presents the non-dependent partner with a difficult task. It is not for nothing that one speaks of a partner’s codependency. He goes through all the ups and downs, is disappointed again and again, is suspicious, in good faith, hopes, worries and always ends up on the ground.
Not everyone can go along with this in the long run. If there is no therapy or improvement in sight, one should not condemn anyone who gives up here exhausted. Nobody should leave someone alone in their need, but everyone must also think of their strength. And as is well known, they are not infinite. Getting professional help is definitely the best way here.
7. A partner suffers from narcissism
If one of the two is narcissistic in the relationship, it demands a lot from the partner. Too much to last and so many break up despite love who have to suffer from a narcissism.
The characteristics of a narcissist are not designed to lead a harmonious and mutually happy partnership. Rather, the narcissist is only concerned with his own concerns. A situation that you shouldn’t do to yourself permanently, in your own sense, unless the person concerned really undergoes therapy to tackle the problem sustainably.
8. There is violence in the relationship by the partner
Regardless of whether it is psychological or physical violence: It is not acceptable in a partnership. No matter how much the perpetrator vows to get better, he will not be reeducated unless he goes into therapy and really wants to change. Experiencing violence from a loved one is extremely traumatic and should not be tolerated. A really clear reason to break up despite love.
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