We are biologically programmed to desire our partner for three years, the time to ensure the survival of the species. And after? We roll up our sleeves! Big spring cleaning to revive the colors of the couple. Here best tips to have a long lasting relationship.
1. LOOK TOGETHER IN THE SAME DIRECTION
After the magic of the first moments, a couple will be able to register for the long term if they share common values. Let us put our expectations flat on family life, fidelity, money, religion, education of children, the finality of the couple, professional life… If the opinions concerning these crucial questions prove to be incompatible, it is unlikely that the couple will work.
2. SEE YOURSELF AS FRIENDS TOO
According to American therapist John Gottman, happy marriages are founded on a deep friendship. Little attentions, great listening skills, solidarity, joint activities, tenderness, mutual admiration, laughter… These are the ingredients that bind the sauce together.
3. HIRE A CLEANING LADY
The equality of men and women with regard to household chores is such a reality that the French Community has made a point of publishing a brochure devoted to this thorny problem! Rather than arguing over who does what, let’s think about using service checks and the… sheep will be well looked after!
4. TRANSFORM THE EUPHORIA OF THE BEGINNINGS
“Love begins in rosewater and ends in blood sausage,” writes Frédéric Beigbeder. Less radical, love must imperatively be transformed in order to last. It is useful to remind ourselves regularly of the reasons which led us to choose this person, with his qualities and his weaknesses, too, which moved us. Tenderness does not harm desire, it is complementary to it.
5. ACCEPT OURSELVES AS WE ARE
At the beginning, we like him “because he’s not like the others”. Over time, these peculiarities that touched us so much can seem downright unbearable. Noticing the partner’s differences is recognizing that he does not conform to the image we had of Prince Charming. Accepting it, renouncing the ideal fantasized couple is the first step in building a solid couple.
6. NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY
The accumulated tension risks disrupting our sleep, and the night, conducive to dramatization, could encourage us to darken the picture, to make reconciliation more difficult and to sink body and goods during yet another conjugal storm.
7. DON’T PLAY A ROLE
“He liked girls who are not cold-eyed, the opposite of me who never even dared to pass the driving license, which I was quick to hide from him, of course. I even made him swallow my participation in an amateur rally. The day he broke his wrist and handed me the keys to his car, I didn’t know where to put myself. ” Carine, 42, paid the price for this little lie that has become big.
8. DON’T RUSH THINGS
“We had been together since mid-December. At the beginning of January, I told him that I had booked a great holiday in Morocco in June. I saw the panic in his eyes. A few days later, he left me. ” Sandra, 24 years old.
9. DON’T HARASS HIM
“At first, his repeated phone calls and romantic texts, I found it touching. When I heard the ‘beep beep’ on my phone, I was like, ‘Ah, she’s my sweetheart. At the end of two months, I thought: Ah, that’s the bitch! ”. François, 38 years old.
10. DON’T COMPARE HIM TO OUR EX
“Patrice loved to accompany me to the shops. He cooked divinely well. He knew how to fix everything… I really had to inflate Julien with my comparisons. He had a nice way to calm me down by arriving with a t-shirt on which he had printed: Patrice… but almost! ” Fanny, 36 years old.
11. DON’T BE OVERLY JEALOUS
“He knows that I check his cell phone and the history of the sites he visits on the Internet, it hurts him. He tells me that I have the wrong enemy, that if he leaves me, it will not be because of another but because of me, of my lack of confidence in him. ” Camille, 27 years old.
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