When does the relationship no longer make sense? When should you break up? Certainly not to be answered in general. But there are a few signs that a breakup makes sense.
Has your relationship not felt good for a long time? Do you have problems that have existed for a long time and that you have not been able to solve together? It doesn’t matter if you’re considering ending the relationship and your partner to leave or whether you want to give your partnership another chance: You should ask yourself these questions honestly.
If the answers are positive for your partnership, this should be the incentive for you to step on the gas again and fight for your love together. If everything speaks against your relationship, take the time to calmly think about the reasons for it.
Who does not know it? You have a long-term love relationship or even an on / off relationship and now and then doubts creep in as to whether the relationship is really still the right one for us. We remember the end of a romantic relationship for a lifetime. Even if the conscious memories fade over time, the feelings we have lived through remain in our subconscious for a lifetime.
Time heals all wounds? Puff cake! If we’re not dealing with a breakup, it will catch up with you faster than you can think. And I am speaking here from my own experience! Love relationships influence our behavior with every further separation that we experience in the course of our life: Do we perceive the separation as particularly painful? Does it make us feel powerless? Or have we internalized that it’s okay to go our separate ways after a while if you’ve grown too far apart?
The reasons for a separation can be very different: Permanent spatial separation, emotional closeness is decreasing, your partnerdoes not want to or cannot confess to you because he or she is in a relationship.
In such a situation we often seek support from other people in order to feel safe in our decision for or against the separation. During my time as a coach, I’ve heard the same five reasons over and over again that make people think about breaking up.
1. If the basis of trust is destroyed, a separation makes sense despite love
Trust is the foundation of every happy, harmonious and healthy partnership. Trust ensures that we feel comfortable in our relationship and look to the future with confidence. When we trust our partner, it is easy for us to give up a bit of control and still feel relaxed and calm.
In order to build trust within the relationship, we need to have mostly positive experiences with our partner over time. Important characteristics for this are appreciation and openness for the other partner.
If, on the other hand, your trust is permanently shaken by cheating, humiliation or disappointments of all kinds, the trust that has built up together sometimes breaks in just a few seconds and the thought of a separation is in the room.
Once the trust is broken, the relationship cannot simply continue as it was. In such situations, many couples find it helpful to speak openly and honestly to one another in order to rebuild the trust that has been lost.
If one or both of them refuse to speak constructively about what has happened and show no interest in coming to terms with what happened, then a breakup is usually imminent. Even if you actually still love each other.
Should you find yourself in such a difficult situation, then ask yourself the following question: “Is this person still worth enough to me that I invest my time and energy in trying to save our relationship?” – Please be really very honest with yourself when answering this question.
2. Is this the relationship I want?
“Do you still want to be with your partner five years from now, even if he doesn’t change at all?” – This is a question that encourages you to think critically about yourself and your current partnership.
Does the relationship you are in really suit you and your personal wishes, needs and preferences? Do you live your authentic self within your relationship?
It is extremely important to take a realistic look at your relationship and not make excuses for uncomfortable or hurtful behaviors or situations.
Find out what to expect from a relationship. Where are your standards, values and limits? If you find that your wants, needs, or preferences do not match those of your partner, then you probably haven’t found the right partner for you yet.
Think about what you really want in life and how you imagine a fulfilling love relationship. Do not let other people’s opinions influence you. Listen to yourself and think about what’s best for you and your life.
3. Lack of attention
In a successful relationship, it is extremely important to give the partner sufficient undivided time and attention. This also means seeing, accepting, and greatly appreciating your partner’s values and feelings. His values and feelings are what defines him as a person and the reason why you fell in love with him.
If this unconditional acceptance and appreciation of the other partner no longer takes place within the partnership, the relationship threatens to collapse. If your partner makes you feel like you are not right the way you are, then that is a reason to break up.
The increased lack of tenderness and closeness also signals that something is wrong in your relationship. An honest and open conversation should definitely take place now.
4. Cheating in a partnership
Shock! The partner has cheated. From one second to the next, all trust is lost. The ground under your feet has been torn away from you and a huge, ugly, black hole gapes at you. You feel like all the blood from your head has shot into your feet and you see yourself near a fainting spell.
Cheating is one of the biggest breaches of trust that you can experience in a monogamous relationship . As soon as the initial shock is gone, you question the whole relationship and doubt the truthfulness of your love.
The cheating of the partner is perceived as a betrayal of your mutual love and relationship. You feel that your need for recognition, appreciation and the desire to be desired is seriously threatened and disregarded.
If you have clearly defined sexual fidelity as a personal value, your partner knew about it, but was unfaithful to you anyway, then a separation is imperative. Once such a breach of trust occurs, it is very difficult to mend the relationship.
5. Jealousy and suspicion
To a certain extent, jealousy is normal in relationships. In these situations we notice how important our partner is to us. Our jealousy becomes a danger when the controlling and suspicious behavior of our partner gets out of hand. It is not uncommon for excessive jealousy to put an enormous strain on our relationship and, in the worst case, lead to separation.
But what exactly is jealousy and where does it come from? By definition, jealousy is the agonizing feeling of being deprived of love. It’s the fear of loss and rejection. Behind the jealousy there are often great self-doubts, as well as a deep desire for unconditional love and attention from the partner.
Jealousy and fear of loss occur especially when one partner makes their self-esteem completely dependent on the other. Jealous people tend to define their own worth almost exclusively through the attention and affection of their loved one. You can recognize
unhealthy jealousy when the jealous person wants to isolate their partner from the outside world. Friends and family of the partner are badmouthed and bags or cell phones are searched to find evidence of the alleged infidelity.
Establishing a healthy culture of argument within the relationship is important in order to develop together within the relationship. However, if there are permanent unjustified accusations and conflicts due to jealousy, then there may be an imminent separation in the room.
Every experience that we have helps us to recognize what we want and what we no longer want in life.
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